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My 20th Birthday

So my day started off pretty badly. I had a nightmare that had me wake up sweating and terrified. It was of this creepy figure in like a monks robe standing outside my door and all I could see where these terrifying eyes. So that wasn't cool. Then I woke up earlier than necessary and went downstairs. My Dad had the day off so that's always fun...Anyway my birthday card was on the table and it was very girly (which I'm not) but I don't even care about that. The words that were on it were really, really nice. My Dad came over and said, "You like your card? When Mom got it, I asked who it was for." Then he laughed at his own little joke. i felt bad so I texted my Mom and said, "If Dad made fun of my card, ignore it. The butterfly was a little much but it's the words that are important. And it was really nice. Thank you." And she wrote back "You're welcome". She also wrote on my Facebook wall and called me. I love my Mommy.

Anyway school wasn't too bad. Dr. Woz was a lot of fun in class today. He jumped up on the table and acted like a model and then like a stripper but he so got the point across. It was part of a whole lecture and it was hilarious. Also a lot of my friends sent me facebook posts saying happy birthday so that was really nice. And Matt and Bonnie made my classes fun. Matt even bought me a giant chocolate chip cookie from Dunkin Donuts. Then I got home and I sat with my Mom for a little bit and I noticed something...

My best friend, Kate, has yet to wish me a Happy Birthday. So I texted her and said, "Um..did you forget that today is my birthday?" and she wrote back, "I'm so sorry, it completely slipped my mind". And then she went on talking about school. I broke down in tears. She still has yet to actually wish me a Happy Birthday. I am heartbroken. How does your best friend forget your birthday? I texted Chrissy and told her and Chrissy was a little mad. She said, "I'm sorry, that's weird that she didn't even seem to care. She knows your birthday is important to you and you don't expect a lot".  At least Chrissy still knows me...sometimes I think she and I are losing our friendship but then she says something like that. And it makes me remember that she knows me better than Kate does in some ways.

I'm still talking to Kate as we speak and I have yet to get a Happy Birthday. I cried to my Mom and she held me for a little while before I pulled myself together. I'm just really upset. I miss my Grandpop, I wish Grandmom and Uncle Steve were her. This was the one birthday I was really not excited about and the fact that my best friend totally forgot really upset me. This was not a good birthday. Some people made parts of the day awesome but in a whole? It was just another day. I hope Friday, when I celebrate with my immediate family, it will be better. But for right now I want to go to sleep and end my birthday. Goodbye.

Another School Year

Well, I just read over my last post about Rob and all I have to say is, WOW! I haven't spoken to Rob in a while. He and Kelcie got into a huge fight so we didn't hang out anymore and now he texts me randomly from time to time. He wanted to tell me he has a girlfriend, well congrats dude cause I don't give a crud. Now that sounds bitter but I'm really not. In fact, I haven't even thought about Rob in a while until I read my last post. I've been occupied lately.

I gained a new obsession this summer. That obsession is.....The Jonas Brothers. Yes, I said it. I, Veronica, almost twenty years old, is a fan of the Jonas Brothers. I have all their CDs except the one they made on Columbia Records but I'm working on getting that. It's on Ebay for like 90 dollars which is ridiculous but I'm trying. Also I have no job but I'm going to start work study at school this semester so that will help, thank god. My room is totally JB-ed out. Well not totally, I still have my movie posters up... the JB are just in between lol. I really do love their music, it helps me vent and then it helps me relax. Weird but true. Oh! And I finally got my license at the end of July which is awesome. Now I'm driving around in my '95 Cutlass lol. But it's awesome because I don't have to take the bus to school anymore.

School. School started last Wednesday and I already have sooo many reading assignments to do. I have to read two novels by September 8th and the one is sooo boring and extremely hard to get through. I haven't even bought the second one yet lol. This semester (Fall of Junior year) I'm taking: Intro to Sociology, American Literature 1, British Literature 1 (my night class which is three hours long and unbearable), Romantic Period, and Junior Seminar (focuses solely on Oscar Wilde). I do not know anyone in my Sociology class except for this really annoying kid I met through one of my friends but hopefully I'll get to know some people. I'm excited about all my other classes though because my friend Bonnie is all the other four, which is so awesome. My friends Matt, Melissa, and Kelly are in a few too so at least this year won't be entertainment lacking. I seriously can't believe I'm in my Junior year already, it's so great. I can't wait to be done.

Oh so I made a new friend. I won't reveal her name but I met her on Twitter and she's really cool. She runs a Jonas Brothers twitter that gives all these updates on them and now I'm helping her run the Facebook page for Jonas updates. It's fun and she's really nice. So that's cool.

I haven't spoken to Kelcie and Chris in a really long time and I have no idea why. She just stopped texting me one day. I generally don't text people unless I have something to say or I want to hang out so I haven't texted her either. I have a feeling that she hasn't texted me because I don't text her. Well I don't play those stupid games but like I'm not mad at her or pissed off or anything. I've just been really busy.

My Grandmom, Frank, and Uncle Steve all came up for my cousin Joyce's wedding. The wedding was nice, freaking hot because it was outside, but nice. Then the reception was soo much fun. My Dad a grumpy ass and didn't move from his seat all night which really upset my Mom but whatever. I got up and danced with my Uncles and my Aunt and my Mom after a while. It was great. I love when all my Mom's family is together. Uncle Steve also took Sean, Matt, and I canoeing. Sean and Matt were in one while Uncle Steve and I were in another but Matt and I switched partners since Sean looked about ready to kill him. Now most people go canoeing for the peace but we do full contact canoeing and we try to knock each other out. Now I thought Sean was on my side because he was my partner and all but no! When our canoe ran into theirs he jumped out and let my Uncle flip me! Then our canoe filled with water and my Uncle didn't help us, he and Matt just kept going. So strangers had to help us flip our canoe because it was too heavy for us.

Once canoeing was over we went to play paintball. That had to be one of the most fun experiences of my life. It was tough because I was in Matt's shoes (mine were soaked from canoeing and btw Matt is 11) and my mask kept fogging up because of the sweat and my glasses. We played for four hours and Julia was with us too. She would call herself out of the game just so she didn't have to play anymore. She's such a little miss priss but I love her anyway. Anyway our referee was really freaking hot and he was giving me tips the entire time. After I was really shaken up, it was night time when we got back to Aunt Mare's and I had to drive all the way home. My hands wouldn't stop shaking from the effects of being hit like four times with the paintballs in my hand. Also I had a really disgusting bruise on my shoulder for like a week afterwards. I made it home though and the wedding was the next day (Saturday),

On Sunday, Mom and I headed up to Aunt Mare's for a little barbecue with Aunt Mare, Uncle Steve, Grandmom, Frank, Uncle Mike, Aunt Carol, and Joyce's daughter, Loreligh. It was nice but Mom was hurting so she couldn't stay too long. On Monday, Dave, Tammy, Uncle Mike, Sean, Matt, Julia, Uncle Don, Uncle Steve, and I all went white water rafting again!! It was so much fun. Uncle Don did practically nothing as did Uncle Mike. It was Dave, Tammy, Uncle Mike, Sean and I on one raft while the others were on another. White water rafting is so awesome and we had a great time. We were all exhausted afterwards so Tammy drove Dave and I back home where we ate dinner with Mom and Dad then they went home too.

It was sad to see Uncle Steve go home as always. I miss him a lot. Grandmom and Frank stayed for a few days more though which was good because my Mom really misses Grandmom. Grandmom stayed at Gloria's house (Frank's insane daughter) for a few days. We all hate Gloria because she treats Grandmom and Frank like dirt. She was really getting on my nerves the last night because she was constantly making racist comments. God, I wanted to slap her. Anyway, Grandmom and Frank came over our house for dinner one night. Mom and Dad made ravioli's, hot sausage, and meatballs. Dave, Tammy, and Dave's friend Brian all came over too. I miss Brian, he's really hilarious.

It was sad to say goodbye to Grandmom and Frank too. I wish they would move back but Frank hates it up here. Grandmom swears though the second Frank dies she's coming right back up. I know that sounds horrible but you gotta know my Grandmom.

Oh! Julia texted me and I forgot seriously how much I missed her. We took a road trip to her school so she could get some books, then we went to Friendly's (our usual lunch spot), and then to IKEA. Dude, IKEA is AWESOME! But it was NOT awesome watching two girls with no upper body strength trying to lift the heaviest box known to man. It was seriously one of the most fun days I've had in a while. I really needed it. She wants me to come up and stay at her apartment sometime and I want to but I don't want to travel up there by myself because I would so get lost lol.

My birthday is this Wednesday. I'll be twenty. I want to turn twenty but I'm also kind of sad because I won't be a teenager anymore. It's weird but I guess it's inevitable. The sad part is, I don't know when I'll even celebrate it. I have class during the day and I also have my three hour night class. I always celebrate my birthday on the day and this will be like the first year that I don't. I don't know, I think I'm freaking out about growing up because I really don't want to. I'm trying to just stay positive but it's hard. My Mom asked me what I want for my birthday and I really have no idea. Usually I just get whatever season of Supernatural is out on DVD because that always comes out on my birthday. Maybe I'll just do that. Who knows?

So that's that pretty much. I don't think there's anything else really to talk about for now. It's Sunday by the way, and I'm watching a One Tree Hill marathon on SoapNet lol. I should read at least one or two more chapters in that novel today but I also have assigned reading I have to get done by tomorrow. So I have a feeling that today is going to a busy one. I also think I'm going to straighten up my room today...no, I'm not procrastinating! ....Yeah, okay I am but my room really is getting ridiculously cluttered so there! Alrighty peace out. I'll probably write more when something interesting happens.

Lately

Usually I go and vent on my Facebook but I hate that everyone I know can read my stuff and then they're questioning every little thing. Finally I remembered I had a Livejournal that no one knows about. So here we go...

I met a guy. His name is Rob and he is absolutely amazing. Or at least he was in the beginning. We met and we just clicked; the third time we ever hung out, we sat in front of my house and talked for two hours about everything. Later on, I trusted him enough to tell him about my Mom and about everything that had happened with Steve. I told him that I used to smoke even though I know he absolutely hates smoking of any kind.

Everything was going great, we were hanging out every weekend and having so much fun. Kelcie and Chris, our mutual friends, told me that he liked me and told him that I liked him even though, by then, it as pretty obvious. So we continued to hang out but he wouldn't make a move and I was getting really frustrated. So one night we were talking and he said he's not ready for a relationship yet. That was totally cool with me because he's only been in like three relationships, one after another, the first one lasted 6 years. I understand not wanting to rush into a relationship after all that so that didn't bother me. We decided that we were just going to hook up with one another which we did, twice in one night. But since then everything has gone to shit.

He used to to text me every morning and now he only texts me when he's bored at work and our conversations used to be long and fun and now they barely last ten minutes. I used to see him every weekend but now I haven't seen him since the day after we hooked up and that was for an hour because he was sick and went home. He tells me all about these girls that flirt and dance with him at the club he goes to and I'm just sitting there thinking, "I don't care". You want to go to the club and hook up with a bunch of chicks, that's cool but don't tell me about it. It's annoying. Whenever I talk to another guy in front of him he gets jealous and starts flirting with another girl. Seriously? Are we high school? It's so frustrating. I feel like he's keeping me on stand by for when he does want a relationship again and that's not fair to me. He's not the guy I met three months ago that could make me laugh with a stupid joke.

When I first met him I thought I wasn't good enough for him because he is perfect. He's really smart, he has a full time job and goes to school, he goes to the gym every day, he's amazing at every sport, and he barely ever drink and never smokes. I just felt so inferior to him. But then when we would hang out, he would open doors for me and act like I was the most amazing person in the world and that made me feel great. But now, I'm back to feeling like I'm not good enough for him anymore.

I am so confused and I don't know what I should do. Everyone thinks I should talk to him about it but I feel like that's not my place. I also don't want him to get mad at me. So I don't know what I'm going to do but I'm glad I got to type it all out and just get it out of my head for a little bit. Maybe when things do get resolved, I'll come back and write about it.

Saturday Night

I know I haven't posted in the while but nothing really great has been happening. However, last night was one of the funniest nights and I don't even know why. But here's what happened:

The night started off with Bill, Chrissy, and I going to pick up Greg and on the way we see Tim pushing his Concord up Manchester street while Nicole tried to steer. So we pulled over and waited for Tim's Dad to come. However, Tim's Dad decided that walking would be the best solution (why? we still don't know). So then, Tim, Bill, Chrissy, and I pushed the car up to the top of the street. Somehow we fit all of us (excluding Tim's Dad) into Bill's car; we drove to Tim's house so he and Nicole could get Periwinkle or as Greg renamed it "The Henry Winkler" so that he could go get Cleary and Ben.

The plan was to go to Bill's Dad's and get wrecked but Bill Senior had other plans. To kill time we decided to go get something to eat. Bill, Chrissy, Greg, and I drove to IHOP where Tim, Nicole, Ben, and Cleary were supposed to meet us. We got there and we sat down in the booth, looked at the menus, and decided this shit is too expensive and not good enough for the money. Greg suggested Friday's and so we quickly made our exit (after ten minutes of sitting in IHOP, I still feel bad for that waitress).

We got to Friday's and as Ben so elegantly put it, we split into the couples table and the singles table (thanks for pointing that out Ben, butthead. j/k). Anyway Friday's was fun, the conversation went from Scientology, Buddhism, Back to the Future, Universal Studios (sorry i broke your heart, Ben), and how the god damn Pope is no better than us. The waitress asked us why we had a cake and we so happily told her that it was Nicole's birthday (sorry, Nicole lol). Nicole was then asked to stand up and be humiliated as everyone sang "Happy Birthday" extremely loudly.

By the end of dinner, we figured okay now Bill's Dad had to have been gone by then! Yeah, no. So we just hung out in Bill's basement. That was quite the event too. We went from playing charades to watching buildings and space shuttles blow up to tearing up at one of the saddest Disney movies known to man. Oh and discussing how 12 year old girls will be hot when they're older (I still think you guys are creeps lol). Some people had some words over a movie which ended up leaving Greg, Ben, TQ, and I to watch a movie just to see a little girl die (thanks for that one, Greg). Anyway around 3 a.m. we decided to call it a night, well at least I did, god only knows what you guys did after I left lol.

All in all it was a pretty eventful night. I think I covered everything and if I didn't someone can correct me. I wrote all this down because I just thought it was a pretty funny ass night despite the fact that we didn't drink but I'm sure we'll do that sometime this weekend :)

College books are ridiculously...

Expensive! I'm buying my books for this upcoming semester, my Sophomore year, and I wanna throw up every time I look at the total. It's horrible. I have to buy 9 books and 5 of them I can get off Amazon.com for a little cheaper than my school's bookstore. However, the other 4 books if they give them all to me used will cost me 279 dollars!!! If I get screwed and end up getting all of them new, I'm out 372 dollars. So altogether I'm either putting out 380 dollars if I get used PLUS SHIPPING or 473 if I get screwed with all new ones PLUS SHIPPING!!!!

All this damn money to use books for 3 and 1/2 months!!!! And I'm telling you right now if for some reason I can't sell them back at the end of the semester shit is hitting the fan.

You know, it's mostly my fault being an English major. For ONE English class I need 6 BOOKS!!!

Usually I'm not this obsessed with money. I'm actually a very giving person if any of my family or friends need money I would gladly loan it to them. Also I'm really good at saving money. It's just that it irks me that I'm already paying 16 thousand some dollars to go to the "university", would providing the books be really that difficult?

I'm so stressed out right now I have to do something to take the edge off and do you know what that something is??

You guessed correctly. I'm going to go watch Criss Angel because he's cool, freaky, and hot.

What kind of birthmark do you have? How does it look? If you don't have one already, what kind of birthmark would you like to have?
I wouldn't exactly call it a "mark" but I've ha it since birth. There's no cartilage at the top of my right ear so the skin hangs down. It's not noticeable unless I point it out. I met a kid in my 7th grade class with the exact same thing on the exact same ear....FrEaKy

Are you kidding?

Okay so my friends, Greg and Kiersten have been dating for maybe almost four years or so. They broke up this weekend in probably the most horrible way you can break up with someone. Kier says Greg broke it off and I got the whole story but I don't think it's right to broadcast it here. Trust me, it's horrifying enough that I'll remember it for a long time. Anyway, Kier told me and I told Chrissy and Bill. So we went to Ben's last night and Chrissy, Queen of Subtly, goes "So what happened with you and Greg?" Well poor Kier bursts into tears and goes outside. Chrissy and I follow her out about ten minutes later, letting her get in her alone time first...Okay it was actually a chance for us to get Greg's side of the story from Ben.

Now I should give you a bit of background. Kier and Greg ALWAYS fight but it's always stupid things that they get over in an hour. It's usually because Greg did something stupid and Kier over reacted. Guilty on both parties. Though, I knew when Kier first told me about the break-up that this wasn't just like all the others. I could tell by the way she sounded and how she didn't want to talk about it at all, usually she's filled with the words.

So Chrissy and I go outside and we're talking and she tells us the whole story and it's a horrible story that I don't want to relive. I felt so bad for her because she doesn't deserve that and truthfully, Greg didn't deserve the way that she would act towards him either sometimes. I was trying to be supportive but Chrissy kept butting in and disagreeing with everything I was saying. Then I said, "Kier, I know the feeling of rejection so I know how you feel." Well Chrissy goes, "No you don't because it's a lot different having someone love you and then having that ripped out from under you." Um...I'm sorry how the fuck would you know? Bill and her have never broken up. They've been close to it but never actually done it. And I do believe that my ex best friend, Steve, used to tell me he loved me more than any one of his other friends and sure that's not romantic love but it's love all the same. I had that ripped out from me more harshly than Greg dumped Kier. At least Greg didn't say degrading things to Kier like Steve did to me.

It just really pissed me off that Chrissy didn't think I was a reliable source to help out our friend. Anyway later that night we were all hanging  outside and I was talking to Derek when I saw Kier pull Chrissy over to the side and start talking to her about Greg. Now that really hurt my feelings because Chrissy, Kier, and I are the only girls in our group and I felt like I wasn't apart of them anymore. I looked over at Derek and nodded my head at them. "See that? I'm not apart of that because apparently I don't know what it feels like." Derek looked at me and offered me his cigarette. I so needed it too so I took it. I haven't smoked in a while but it felt amazing. Derek tried to keep me happy by messing around and trying to make me smile so that's something but still...it hurt. Especially because at the end of the night when Kier and Tim were going home Kier went over to Chrissy and gave her hug. All I got was a "Bye V" from across the driveway. I looked at Derek again and he handed me another smoke (good guy that Derek). I just felt like an outsider with my friends and that really sucked.

Today I IMed Kier and asked her how she was doing. She said that she had barely slept or eaten and she kept trying to call Greg. I told her to stop because he needs to realize what he's missing if he's going to come back. So I texted Chrissy and was like "Maybe we should go to Kier's today to check up on her." She sent me back a text that said, "I just woke up." I said, "Okay I didn't mean right now. She doesn't have work until 8." I got no response. So around 4 I called Chrissy and asked her what she was up to. She was hanging with Bill and I could tell they wanted to be alone so I quickly just asked if she wanted to get in touch with Kier today. She said she already had and that Greg had called her back and Kier is beginning to realize that it may really be over. Okay I was happy about the news with Kier but hello? Could Chrissy not have called me and told me that she was doing better instead of having me worry about her all day? I was hurt again. I hate that I was left out of it again. It feels like Chrissy doesn't want me around her and Kier's little relationship club. So I have been in my house all day and sleeping most of the day away.

I talked to my best friend Kate today though. She's coming home from Nevada tonight but not till late so I'm gonna see if she wants to hang out on Thursday because I have off that day. I really need to just be around Kate and even Julia right now would help. Maybe because they actually listen when I talk. OH and something that pissed me off to no end. Kier has a friend from grade school that is quickly dying of cancer. She said that Greg wouldn't talk to her about it and I had to defend Greg there. Because I watched my Grandpop die of cancer when I was 13. So I said, "He may not know how to handle it." And Chrissy goes, "No he should at least talk to her about it." I gave her a dirty look because she knew what I went through and she knows to this day I don't like talking about it. I said, "No it is really difficult to talk about that type of thing for two reasons. One, if you never been in that type of situation before and two it's too hard to deal with when you don't understand something."

I was so heated by the end of the night I just wanted to scream. Thank God I have work tomorrow. It'll keep my mind off of all this shit. Alrighty I'm gonna go before I break the keyboard from all this typing. I'll update later in the week perhaps.

The Mysteries Of Life

Okay so I actually know nothing about the mysteries of life...I just couldn't think of what else to title this blog. It's the 4th of July and what am I doing? Oh yeah, I'm sitting in my living room listening to The Greatest Hits of Billy Idol and writing blogs. This blows. Chrissy is mad at Bill because he never spends time with her family when he says he's going to. He doesn't know half her family but she's been practically inducted into his on both sides. So she is pissed off and doesn't want to come out. All my other friends are most likely at BBQ's and shit. I haven't talked to Julia in a while but she's most likely not doing anything fascinating tonight. My parents went out to dinner to Famous Dave's. I didn't feel like going so instead I ate a bagel and cream cheese.

My best friend is currently in Nevada. Don't ask. I try not to. I would be watching Sex and the City but I've watched it all day and frankly I'm sexed out. I was going to go for a walk by myself but I can't do that when I have to watch the dogs because my parents are out. This bothers me so much. It's the 4th of fucking July. I should be out drinking or hanging out with my friends. I wish I had something to do.

I think I'm just going to read or something. I don't know. 4th of July blows.

Oh wait! I have to write this down. Last night, Chrissy, Bill, and I were going to meet Tim, Greg, and Ben at 7/11 but when we got there Tim said he wanted to go home. Mind you, it was 8:30 and we're a bunch of 19 year olds. Who in their right mind goes home at 8:30?? So we just had to prank him. Tim tends to leave the passenger side door of his car unlocked because he forgets since he doesn't have automatic locks. So we went to Rite Aid, bought 100 balloons, blew them up, and put them in his car. It was hysterical. We went to WAWA to celebrate but he called us on our way home and was like, "Dude, what the hell is in my car?" So we drove to his house again and he was so shocked it was hilarious. Best part was we wrote on a bunch of them. Most of them said Happy Birthday Bill since Bill turns 19 tomorrow. Tim didn't even do anything with them. HE JUST LEFT THEM IN HIS CAR!!! He's so weird, thus the prank. Alrighty I'm out. Byes.
Meeting Again

Sequel to: A Conversation Before Battle

    Dawn really didn't understand why she was in the elevator of Evil Incorporated but here she was. All because some stupid geek told her she "just had to go to L.A.!" Yes, in that high squeaky voice. Dawn stepped out of the elevator on the 8th floor and was greeted with the sight of Harmony Kendall answering phones. However,  when she spotted Dawn she immediately hung up the phone.

"Dawn Summers! What are you doing here?"
  
    Harmony ran out from behind her desk and hugged Dawn. Dawn was taken off guard; she and Harmony were barely acquaintances let alone friends.

"Um..hi Harmony. Is Angel in?"

"Oh sure! He isn't busy at all right now. Go right in!"

    Dawn hesitantly went through the doors Harmony gestured too. Angel was sitting at his big desk sorting through stacks of papers when the youngest Summers' girl cleared her throat in front of him. Angel lifted his head and his eyes widened at the young woman in front of him.

    This wasn't the little Dawnie he had last scene in Sunnydale. This woman was taller, slimmer, and curvier. Angel couldn't believe this was Buffy's annoying kid sister.

"Uh...Angel are you in that giant head of yours?"

    Oh yeah, it's definitely her, Angel thought with a grin.

"Hello Dawn."

Dawn smiled. "There you are. It's good to see you, Angel."

"It's good to see you too. Is..."

Dawn shook her head knowing what the question was before he had to finish. "She's fine. Buffy is fine."

    Angel visibly relaxed. He got up from his chair and hugged the young woman that used to be a pain in his ass. But no matter how irritating she was Dawn could always make him laugh. Angel pulled away and leaned against his desk.

"So what are you doing here?"

"Well I was hoping you could tell me. I believe you met Andrew? He's a big dork, short, may seem a little on the gay side?"

Angel remembered the awkward hug that Andrew had given Spike when he laid eyes on him. "Yeah, I remember. What about him?"

"When he got home he called me and was chattering like a monkey telling me I had to come to L.A. Apparently  there is something here I need to see. Any ideas?"

    Angel knew exactly what Andrew had been talking about. Spike had told him briefly about the connection and love he feels for Dawn. It was during a fight about Buffy. Spike was denying his feelings for her and Angel wasn't buying it. So Spike spilled his guts about Dawn.

    Angel was saved from explaining all of this because he could sense Spike coming towards his office at lightening speed. Before he had a chance to warn Dawn for the oncoming emotional blow Spike was storming in the office.

"Hey Poof! I think you should hire a new secretary. If Harm calls me Blondie Bear one more bloody time..."

    Dawn had frozen in her spot. The second she heard Spike it felt as if her heart had stopped. Spike only saw the back of her head but he knew it was Dawn by her smell. The smell of cookies and that perfume, Aqua, she wears all the time.

"Dawn?"
  
    Dawn slowly turned around but she couldn't form any words. Spike was dead. He had burned. Spike was a pile of ashes in a crater. But he wasn't, was he? Spike was standing right there in front of her. In his black t-shirt, black jeans, Doc Martins, and that duster that Dawn adored so much. Angel decided to break the deafening silence.

"Dawn, I believe this is what Andrew wanted you to see. I'll leave you two alone...Even if this is my office." Angel muttered on his way out.

    When he shut the door Spike took a step closer to Dawn causing her to stumble back still in shock.

"Love? Forgive me but I thought I would get a better greeting than this."

    Dawn seemed to snap back to reality. She quickly walked over to Spike and slapped him, hard, across the face.

Spike reeled backwards and wiped blood from his lip from where her pinky nail caught him. "Jeez Bit, I got a better "welcome back" from that nancy, Andrew."

    Dawn couldn't help going to hit him again. Spike expected it this time and grabbed her hand. He used his leverage to pull her up against him.

"I wouldn't suggest doing that again."

"Spike! How could you?"

Spike quirked a brow. "How could I what? Live? Terrible sorry, Pet. Wasn't my idea."

Dawn pulled away roughly. "How could you not call me and let me know?"

"Cause that's such an easy conversation." Spike voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"Oh yeah because this is a good way for me to find out. Spike! You're alive!"

Spike smirked at her angry face. "I know."

"You have no idea how much I want to punch you right now!"

    Spike leered and gave her that look. You know, that one where his tongue curls behind his teeth and all it does is makes you want to jump his bones.

"Probably about as much as I want to kiss you."

    Dawn wanted to glare at him. She wanted to kick and scream at him for making her cry for months over his death. But he was making it extremely hard. Spike used that sexy swagger of his as he walked back over to her. He pulled Dawn into his arms and started nuzzling her neck.

"Spike...stop I want to yell at you." Dawn's voice barely had any anger left in it.

"You did and you slapped me by the way. Made me bleed. But you don't see me holding grudges."

    Spike gently bit Dawn's neck with his blunt teeth and kissed his way up and down the column of her throat. Dawn really didn't have a sensible thought in her head. She could yell at him later...much later.

"Don't stop..."

"I don't plan on it. If I recall you mentioned something about a date?"

    Dawn hit him again just for the hell of it but Spike laughed it off and continued his exploration of her body.

A Conversation Before Battle

Author: breakfastcluber

Disclaimer: I don't own anything having to do with Buffy and the gang

Pairing: Dawn/Spike

Rating: PG

Summary: Things need to be said before the end...

Author's Note: Okay this is my first ever Dawn/Spike story and it takes place in Chosen. I'm putting in a conversation that I think Spike and Dawn should have had before the end.

A Conversation Before Battle

"Spike?"

    Dawn was nervous going down into the basement. Everyone had gone to sleep hours ago trying to get some rest before the biggest battle of their lives. Dawn, however, couldn't sleep at all. She had too many things on her mind. Most of them having to do with Spike and the way they had left things when he first came back.

    The basement was unnaturally quiet and empty. Dawn went back upstairs and tried to figure out where Spike would go. She walked by the kitchen and noticed puffs of smoke passing by the window. Figures, Dawn thought to herself with a smile. She opened the back door and slipped out.

    Spike was sitting on the steps smoking. His duster was lying beside him and Dawn couldn't help but think about how much she loved how he looked in that coat. Dawn's crush on Spike never dissipated completely, she just masked it underneath all her anger.

"Hi Spike."

    Spike looked up at Dawn and smiled. As much as Dawn had changed over the years she would always be his Niblit. He patted the seat next to him and Dawn took it with a smile of her own.

"Your not going to set me on fire are you? You promised I would be sleeping at least when you do it."

    Dawn frowned remembering the death threat she had laid on Spike not too long ago.

"Spike. You sleep right? You. Vampires. You sleep."

Spike gave her an odd look. "Yeah. What's your point, Niblet?"

Dawn was giving him her most intimidating look. "Well...I can't take you in a fight or anything, even with the chip in your head. But you do sleep. If you hurt my sister at all...touch her...you're gonna wake up on fire."


"That's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about. I'm sorry, Spike."

"You were scary as hell, Pet. I can tell you that."

Dawn gave him a wink. "I learned from the best."

Spike laughed and took another drag nodding his head. "That you did, Bit."

"Spike...I know I'm going to sound like a complete baby when I ask you this but...I just have to know."

    Spike threw his cigarette in the grass and gave Dawn his undivided attention. Dawn wasn't used to having the attention on her...alright well she was but she still didn't like it.

"That summer when Buffy died and you and I spent all that time together, did you ever like me? I mean more as a friend or big brother type?"

    Spike had a feeling that a question like this was going to be asked. He could never lie to Dawn and he never wanted to. Spike reached over ran his hand threw Dawn's hair.

"Truth? That summer? No. I never thought of you in that way."

Dawn turned a little bitter. "Yeah I figured since as soon as Buffy came back you went back to following her around like a puppy dog."

"Oi! Take that back! I was no one's puppy and you didn't let me finish."

     Dawn lowered her head. She knew this was a bad idea. Why would Spike ever like her when he could have the Slayer. Spike lifted her chin so that she was looking into his beautiful blue eyes.

"However, when I first saw you that's a different story. And back when you used to hang out in my crypt? If I didn't have that soddin' chip I would have turned you and made you mine forever."

"I'm confused...your feelings disappeared over one summer?"

"No they didn't disappear they just went away because I had to step up and be a grown up for you. Bloody hard that was."

"Okay so what about now? You love Buffy still right?"

"I love you and Buffy in very different ways. But I love you both. You Summer's women have some sort of power over vampires or somethin'."

Dawn knew she was being childish but it was quite possibly her last night on earth so she deserved to have answers. "If you had to choose between Buffy and I...who would you pick?"

    Spike had thought about that question almost everyday for the past couple years. Buffy would never love him and when he received his soul he finally realized that and he had started to move past her. But Dawn...she had always loved him and he had always loved her. Spike had been that he might have only liked Buffy because he reminded her of Dawn and at least he could have Buffy without being called a pedophile.

"You, Dawn. I would pick you."

Dawn couldn't help the huge smile that took over her face."If we make it through this...do you think maybe we could hang out sometime?"

Spike pulled her into his arms and laughed. "Did you just ask me out on a date?"

"Depends...are you saying yes?"

    Spike leaned down and kissed her soft lips; something he had been dreaming about doing for a very long time. No matter what happened tomorrow Dawn knew that Spike loved her and that he would take care of her afterwards. Spike was always going to be there for her.